These comments are for section 63.
Incomplete drafts
Many of the drafts this time around were not full drafts. So for a lot of you the only feedback I can give is keep working.
Lack of synthesis
Also, a large number of the drafts lacked synthesis, which is a big problem since synthesis is the whole goal of this assignment. So I will probably review this on Tuesday. Keep in mind that synthesis is taking two or more ideas and weaving them into a single argument. So for this paper that would be taking two or more texts and making them prove the same point. If you have a thesis about assets to education and you say that Malcolm X demonstrates the asset of self-motivation and Mike Rose demonstrates the asset of a role model, then you do not have synthesis because the texts are proving separate points. Yes, the texts both prove the same thesis, but they prove different points within that thesis. Instead, if you were trying to prove that having a role model is an asset, you could discuss Mike Rose and his relationship with Jack MacFarland and Malcolm X and his relationships with Elijah Muhammad and Bimbi. Here you would be using two texts to prove the same exact point.
Our Rules for Writers book has a short section on synthesis on pages 477-479.
Assets and obstacles also create effects
If something is an obstacle then it holds someone back. That is an effect. So in order to prove that something is an obstacle you need to show the thing and also show how it holds someone back, show its negative effect. So if you're writing that language is an obstacle, it's not enough to say "English was required at school." You also have to show that this requirement harmed the person in some way. The same goes for assets. Show how the asset is an asset; show its benefit for the person. So yes, Jack MacFarland is an asset for Mike Rose, but this is only clear if we see the positive influence MacFarland has on Rose.
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