EWRT1A-30: essay 2 comments

Here are some general comments about the drafts of essay 2 for you to consider. Remember that the final draft is due Thursday.

• I saw some really insightful peer comments. Nice job giving each other feedback.
• Keep in mind that the reader only knows what the essay is about because you state it. So look at what your thesis statement actually says, not what you think it says. What are the actual words on the page stating? 
• On the topic of thesis statements, most of them have to do with cause and effect. They explore the obstacles people face when trying to express themselves. A lot of papers do a good job stating the obstacles, the causes, but never show the effects of these obstacles. The reader can only understand that something acts as an obstacle if you show that effect. For instance, the preponderance of skinny models in ads does not prove by itself that women are restricted by unattainable standards of beauty. It’s how women react to these models, the effect, that shows the problem. In other words, an obstacle is something that prevents a person from doing something, so you need to show what that person is unable to do. 
• Show, don't just tell. "Women feel trapped by the beauty myth." So you say, what is your proof that this is true? By itself, this is just a point, a belief. In academia, all beliefs need to be demonstrable. That means they need to be capable of being proven. Without proof, all you have is a list of your assumptions. And that's not an essay; that's a rant.
• Synthesis is basically an analysis of two texts (or more) that demonstrates a connection between those texts. So make it clear what the two texts have in common with one another; state it explicitly. I think for a lot of you, one thing that would help would be to have clearer points in your body paragraphs. Many papers have two texts in a single paragraph, but I can’t see how the two texts relate. State a clear point of comparison and then explain that point in both texts. Consider using transitions that link the texts.
• Don’t forget MLA citation and a works cited list.